These Negros make me mad

I deserve to be loved out loud
Deserve flowers and cheesecake
Cant stand backward stepping Negros
Won’t keep the company of a bad chick like I
So stand back creeping Negros
Look out you down low hoes
Cause ill bust your shit and won’t look back

I sit in silence
And he holds me
With a air of importance
Not a strand of my hair will fall
With out his attention paid in full
It takes only a moment in his day to notice
That love isn’t a feeling it’s a way of living
A bunch of time pulled together to form a stepping
Stone silent is how I like my men

I’m busy what can I say. I’m looking forward to spreading my self thin so that I can’t notice all the good loving I’m missing out on. So I have no boy trouble to talk about. I’m not gay, I haven’t gotten a car yet, I living in a dorm and like anyone else I don’t get alone with my roommate but she thinks were the best of friends…. I’m modeling hears are some pictures

I’m looking into moving, I want to move but I’m not sure if VCU will let me out of the contract. I’m in school so I feel smarter everyday. Drinking like what I bet god doesn’t like it, but I’m not sure if I want to stop.

The poem isn’t about anyone, I just didn’t want to go to sleep at 9 so I decided to write. TTYL

Just stay you

SO yall it didn’t work out for me and the boy but hey it’s ok. I hope he found true love with the girl he keeps telling me was just and friend and nothing more, I guess he got tired of lying to himself.

But I have grown a bit I feel like I’m not afraid to go after what I want. I haven’t been drinking as much cups of hot chocolate so that’s helping me lose weight lol. I went after this other boy I liked he’s in a fraternity not saying no names and he likes me… but hey it will never work we all know why.

I do feel like I’m missing something or someone. Like, I wonder some times why I haven’t I found that one to be like “oh I remember in college there was this one boy that I thought was the one and we were together for x amount of time”.

Lol I just want a relationship for real, a job would be nice to. A friend of mine told me you have to just go for it and keep going cause sooner then later there going to get tired of telling you no. I think ill try and adapt that to a lot more then job interviews.

My mom’s two cents in all of this was that you just have to be a bit pickier with who you talk to. And I never wanted to be one of those up tight I’m to good for this boy type of girl but I guess that’s what they want or that’s what keeps them up at night dreaming about you, so that’s what they will get….

Chow me amigos.

Till next time stay black

or white

or Asian

just stay you. lol

I'm 20 yall

What’s up my cyber peeps. I’m in school and I’m loving the life. Since my last blog I had a birthday and found new fancy. I still have no car still have no boyfriend but I’m 20 and I feel like expressing my fancy it’s a different one. I’m happy for the simple things, the slight thoughts that I get in the middle of the night. So they one is for my jiga boo

The funny looks you throw my way
The strange breathing patterns you have
In your eyes I wish I could put all my wants
In your heart I wish I could teach you how to love
But at the end of the day
Your eyes are yours and your heart beats faster when your holding me
And that’s why I’m found of your presence.

I'm back yall I'm back

I don’t know what it is about this year but it seems like its going to be more pleasing then last school year. I don’t know if its that I know more people or that I live in a better dorm, but what ever the case this school year seems promising.

It’s been a while since I blogged probably back when I was in New Orleans. It’s not that I had a lot to do. It’s just that what I was doing wasn’t worth talking about. Now that I’m back at school I have some venting to do.

So coming back to school means dealing with the guys I use to talk to and trying to keep my distance. I’m not going to call them by name but there’s a K and two D’s an A and an R that I have to figure out what to do. The there’s this nice guy that my age and has a car and own room but I have decided that I don’t want to get into anything. So it’s coming at a bad time. Then there’s this girl that I have found attractive and I don’t know ware that come from.

I have a new room mate I don’t know what it is but I just can’t get into her. Like I invited her to hang with my friends and stuff she came and we played Uno. But I still don’t see a connection. I think it was because this morning I my IPod has a alarm on it. And it went off so I understand her telling me to turn it off. But the second time my music was playing on low and she knocks on her dresser like I’m some kind of pet and was like can you turn your music down or off. It was already low so I was like ugh. I didn’t turn it down and I’m not going to.

I’m back on my own I have twitter and I’m broke still no car lets see what I get into this year.

Laying at the bottom of the ocean watching clouds and fish go bye

It’s been hours since I felt the inspiration
Months since feeling like a sun beam
But when I sleep and dream
I don’t let the world come in
I over see the land my father has made
Follow his grandmaster plain for me
Remember the smooth and relive the rough moments

My cotton candy wont melt hear
And ill say oh my my
I get to stand on the sun
And fell all right right

Tickle the feet of father time
Because hell always laugh
And never fake like he doesn’t enjoy a good laugh

The posein ivy wont itch
And ill be all right right
Till day when I cant remember
If I’m dreaming
Or really rubbing elbows with
Old time celebrities
To real to be wax
and to dead to be real

It will be the day before I dance till dawn
The evening before I meet Prince
And give him my extra time
And more then a kiss

Ill like it to be the hour past the last
When I lay at the bottom of the ocean
watching clouds and fish go bye

But that was the night before last

Tonight ill dream about that
Man my mom has been preparing for
The one that left to early to be attached
The one that came to soon to be whole
Ill dream of all those
Who stepped in the club and got kicked out
By father time
Cause when he not laughing he’s bouncing

Holding it down
With a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his right
And a hot coco in the left

My dream world is broken by Mama Lisa.
"Get up its 2 oclock"

Genesis 32: 20

I have been on vacation for a while. And I think the piece that I was looking for the summer was the little shred of me that I had lost amidst all the foolishness through out the year since I left Junior high school and the day I went to church and meet my new pastor (Mr. Cheeks). Now I don’t know too much about him he seems like a young man, today I remember him saying something about being in a Fraternity but he never specified which one and also I heard through the grape vine that he has grown up children…


But that’s not the importance of the day. From the day I left Jefferson and came to Duke Ellington I allowed my self to be remembered as hat girl that was with Chyna (one of my best friends) or the girl with the big but (which isn’t that bad). I allowed the people around me hinder me from moving across that bridge. Its like my mom always said when I was in school your friends won’t be there when you go off to college and in the work field... But I never thought to carry that on out of elementary and junior high school. If your reading this and are one of my good friends then you might agree. When you are with me I allow the group to choose the location of the festivities. But what I learned is that there is a destination that I have that I have to walk to alone.



The pastor brought up a good thing… you know how you going through something real bad and you calling and calling your friends but don’t no one pick up. Or say you on Facebook and then Facebook say no one is online. It’s not because they just decide not to be there for you. It’s because God made it so. Weird… So I start thinking back and I remember this one bad ass time when I was looking at this movie P.S I Love you… And I was all alone. This was ending of freshman year at VCU. I had two roommates and no one was in. My good friends who live in the same building were not answering. The internet wasn’t working and all the many guys who I would text just to chat would not text back… And that night I cried like I was trying to make myself a glass of water. But it helped me I had to do it on my own had to let that pain out on my own.

Any way back to what I have gained I am the only Ashley Analicia Bedeau for now. And my decisions depend on what I think and how I feel and when I cant think and feel for myself I have a Father who will see me through because he is the one who giveth and taketh away when he see fit.