Laying at the bottom of the ocean watching clouds and fish go bye

It’s been hours since I felt the inspiration
Months since feeling like a sun beam
But when I sleep and dream
I don’t let the world come in
I over see the land my father has made
Follow his grandmaster plain for me
Remember the smooth and relive the rough moments

My cotton candy wont melt hear
And ill say oh my my
I get to stand on the sun
And fell all right right

Tickle the feet of father time
Because hell always laugh
And never fake like he doesn’t enjoy a good laugh

The posein ivy wont itch
And ill be all right right
Till day when I cant remember
If I’m dreaming
Or really rubbing elbows with
Old time celebrities
To real to be wax
and to dead to be real

It will be the day before I dance till dawn
The evening before I meet Prince
And give him my extra time
And more then a kiss

Ill like it to be the hour past the last
When I lay at the bottom of the ocean
watching clouds and fish go bye

But that was the night before last

Tonight ill dream about that
Man my mom has been preparing for
The one that left to early to be attached
The one that came to soon to be whole
Ill dream of all those
Who stepped in the club and got kicked out
By father time
Cause when he not laughing he’s bouncing

Holding it down
With a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his right
And a hot coco in the left

My dream world is broken by Mama Lisa.
"Get up its 2 oclock"

Genesis 32: 20

I have been on vacation for a while. And I think the piece that I was looking for the summer was the little shred of me that I had lost amidst all the foolishness through out the year since I left Junior high school and the day I went to church and meet my new pastor (Mr. Cheeks). Now I don’t know too much about him he seems like a young man, today I remember him saying something about being in a Fraternity but he never specified which one and also I heard through the grape vine that he has grown up children…


But that’s not the importance of the day. From the day I left Jefferson and came to Duke Ellington I allowed my self to be remembered as hat girl that was with Chyna (one of my best friends) or the girl with the big but (which isn’t that bad). I allowed the people around me hinder me from moving across that bridge. Its like my mom always said when I was in school your friends won’t be there when you go off to college and in the work field... But I never thought to carry that on out of elementary and junior high school. If your reading this and are one of my good friends then you might agree. When you are with me I allow the group to choose the location of the festivities. But what I learned is that there is a destination that I have that I have to walk to alone.



The pastor brought up a good thing… you know how you going through something real bad and you calling and calling your friends but don’t no one pick up. Or say you on Facebook and then Facebook say no one is online. It’s not because they just decide not to be there for you. It’s because God made it so. Weird… So I start thinking back and I remember this one bad ass time when I was looking at this movie P.S I Love you… And I was all alone. This was ending of freshman year at VCU. I had two roommates and no one was in. My good friends who live in the same building were not answering. The internet wasn’t working and all the many guys who I would text just to chat would not text back… And that night I cried like I was trying to make myself a glass of water. But it helped me I had to do it on my own had to let that pain out on my own.

Any way back to what I have gained I am the only Ashley Analicia Bedeau for now. And my decisions depend on what I think and how I feel and when I cant think and feel for myself I have a Father who will see me through because he is the one who giveth and taketh away when he see fit.

Oh wee I'm free

I was at the club...

Just Minding my Busisness....

And the camra just seem to find me.

I learned new words tho, scoop= thats like booking niggas., Caking= like bunning. And that the new thing is to slur your words.

So there for i have scooped and caked and slured my words and got three numbers and two dates so fare in the past lets say 4 days. OH yeah i think i like it/

Just saying

The summer could be no better before I was a little bit worried because I lost my apartment that I just knew was going to be popping. But I made my way down south to my brothers stomping ground. It’s actually nice down hear, the weather could use a bit more heat but it’s nice for now. Truth be told I’m thinking about staying down hear if I get a job, and that’s only because I have a set car nice apartment new friends that don’t know too much about me. Oh and we can’t forget this lover boy of a pit bull. So sexy…

But don’t worry DC ill be back sooner then later. Just know you got some making up to do. Let’s have it on the papers Saturday I was plastered your girl was making luv with the toilet… But I was home for like two weeks and didn’t have one good drink…or jay. Just saying.

i tell you things do change

Life at the moment is moving as tho I never left. I got my bed back and everyone is in the house once more. My brother and I stay up talking about all our endeavors as rising adults and I don’t want to let the moments go bye this easy. Right now im in the house alone like I always did on the weekends because the thought of me being alone in a apartment made me feel like I owned it and I was in charged… I use to want to be grow so fast, but now im just happy with being me at this point in time. I just wish that this me could find a job sooner then later. If your reading this blog in DC and have a job opening for me please email me at bedeau_ashley@yahoo.com . have a blessed life/

my little sister just dont know

I feel like shaking her untill she gets the point. She goes out to the movies which was paid for from the school. And she askes for 10 dollors i give it to her. Then she came in today and we found out that she had 20 dollors to buy food. She keep saying that you have to have 20 dollors to eat/// Now I know most of you who follow are in college and you understand the crunch on money, have you ever bought a meal for 20 dollors.... I dont even pay 20 dollors when I go out to eat.

And this is why i dont wanna have kinds. I would be beating her ass right now.

for the time being

I don’t know what it is. I get so sad when I see you boys try so hard. You have failed me. I thought I had something going…. But it didn’t last that long. Thought I had had a backstage fan. Turned out to be a groupie in nice clothing. I’m a focus on getting this bio joint out the way and you can focus on getting that lotion off your dick.

Ill be home in a few, don’t know if ill be getting an apartment for sure. But if I do I will not be allowed visitors. Which means mad overnight visits with my friends in the DMV area close to the address.

I’m trying to get jobs out the wazoo so if you read this got some ideas for me to hit up hit my email at bedeau_ashley@yahoo.com.

Also I got my first storage unit for myself... its like buying an apartment but cheaper lol so much paper work.

My Bose mobile is so funny. It sent me a text message from a friend asking me if I though I was ready for the final… The final was Friday and its Saturday…. But when I call to confirm that my phone is funny, they tell me they didn’t take the test Friday and actually did send the text that day…. See if I didn’t know better I would say my phone acts right when It wants to. Had it been a cretin booty call I wouldn’t have got it till the next week. Lmao smh….