Genesis 32: 20

I have been on vacation for a while. And I think the piece that I was looking for the summer was the little shred of me that I had lost amidst all the foolishness through out the year since I left Junior high school and the day I went to church and meet my new pastor (Mr. Cheeks). Now I don’t know too much about him he seems like a young man, today I remember him saying something about being in a Fraternity but he never specified which one and also I heard through the grape vine that he has grown up children…


But that’s not the importance of the day. From the day I left Jefferson and came to Duke Ellington I allowed my self to be remembered as hat girl that was with Chyna (one of my best friends) or the girl with the big but (which isn’t that bad). I allowed the people around me hinder me from moving across that bridge. Its like my mom always said when I was in school your friends won’t be there when you go off to college and in the work field... But I never thought to carry that on out of elementary and junior high school. If your reading this and are one of my good friends then you might agree. When you are with me I allow the group to choose the location of the festivities. But what I learned is that there is a destination that I have that I have to walk to alone.



The pastor brought up a good thing… you know how you going through something real bad and you calling and calling your friends but don’t no one pick up. Or say you on Facebook and then Facebook say no one is online. It’s not because they just decide not to be there for you. It’s because God made it so. Weird… So I start thinking back and I remember this one bad ass time when I was looking at this movie P.S I Love you… And I was all alone. This was ending of freshman year at VCU. I had two roommates and no one was in. My good friends who live in the same building were not answering. The internet wasn’t working and all the many guys who I would text just to chat would not text back… And that night I cried like I was trying to make myself a glass of water. But it helped me I had to do it on my own had to let that pain out on my own.

Any way back to what I have gained I am the only Ashley Analicia Bedeau for now. And my decisions depend on what I think and how I feel and when I cant think and feel for myself I have a Father who will see me through because he is the one who giveth and taketh away when he see fit.