i dont wanna grow up

I just wanted to say this summer is not going as I had plain but at the same time it is. I got a new phone but no job. I’m saving my money not really going out like that. But I don’t have the boyfriend that I thought I would be able to talk with on the phone. My best friend and I hung out, but just that one time. I thought I was going to always be over there. Well I lied to my self.

But this summer may turn out to be a success after all. My dad is moving in to my grandma’s house because she is moving to Florida (that’s what old people do when they retire) and he is moving there. And ever since I visited I always like the basement. It’s like from one of those old 70’s movies when they had like this dimly lit bar with wooden walls and mirrors everywhere. So I’m pressed because there is a bar and these red steps that I was infatuated by. So when I heard he was moving I offered to help clean out things in the basement because it had become a storage area. And then I said “I just wanted everyone to know I’m staping the fact that the basement will be my room” and I didn’t say it because I will have my own door, bathroom, and washer and dryer. I said it because I have always had to share a room with my lil sister. And I’m sorry but she is foul and I can not live in the same room as her. She needs help and I won’t be the one.

So let’s hope I get these jobs I been applying for…. I had an interview at the Nationals Park for this restaurant named Levy. And I had a call back for this pet care thing but they have not called to schedule an appointment. So keep your fingers crossed. Either way I have saved up enough to buy a car. Now I just have to save up the money to take care of a used car.

Being grown up is soooo not easy

thoughts

Words have a power to them that you don’t realize until you have already spoken or sent them.

I just re-watched the 2012 movie and it just reminded me that we need to get our lives together, because something big is coming. I don’t know what it’s going to be but its going to be something.

I have an interview tomorrow so wish me luck.

Not a good day for him..

Today was a great productive day for me. Unfortunately for a man that I encountered on the street it was not so great a day for him. When I first saw him I was with my mom on our way to get my new phone. Hang out at the club and around drunken people have enabled me to spot the slightest bit of intoxication. So I knew he was tipsy or hammered. So when my mom told me the cops had stop pass and left him lying on the floor. I had a feeling his day was not going to end to great. I thought they would come back and see him in the same spot and arrest him for being drunk in public. Well this was not the case. While we were in the phone store he must have swung at one of the guys that are always standing on the block. You know your regular dc thug. Well that was his biggest mistake of the day. Far bigger then getting drunk, far bigger then choosing this street to sit on. The guys proceed to beat and kick him till his left I was bleeding and his face looked as though it was a piece of raw meat. My mom being the caring mother rushed to his aid when we saw the blood on the sidewalk and stayed with him till the ambulance arrived. No one came to this mans aid no one stop this man from beating on him. No one and it sad that the black community has to deal with low life thugs like this that take advantage of their strength. Instead of simply calling the cops and explain that this man is drunk and taking swings at me. The man choose to beat him till be bleed, and for what? Like what did he really get out of that? Now the cops are looking for you because you almost killed this man. It’s sad. Really sad.

I'm on a boat b*tch

I have been in the house since my demise on Thursday. So you would be glad to hear that today at 11 o’clock I jumped into a fresh white charger and went on a day date to a boat on the anacostia water front. Where I watched a movie and ate quiznos.

The guy clearly wants to be more then a friend. He keep saying little cutie things like what we could be doing the rest of the summer is coming out to his boat and sail to Georgetown. But with me not really feeling like getting into anything right now and him going back to school this summer in North Carolina for summer school and training camp I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to even try to get to know him.

But it was cutie that he tried. He even introduced me to one of his friends as his girlfriend. I didn’t bother to correct him because at the moment I felt like I would never see these group of people again and I didn’t want to hurt his swage. He’s a nice guy. A little shorter then I would go for. But he has facial hair short hair cut and a nice build because he plays football. He has ambition something that you can’t teach or force down someone through. We are on the same level right now. We are both in our junior summer and 20 years old. I’m older by a month and two days. So maybe one day we will meet again and the time might be right for us to venture into more of each other. But for this summer he’s not the one I’m going to be daydreaming about and spending nights with. Ill tell you when I find him.

oh snap

It’s not hard to find a job. It is however hard to keep one. I got fired on my first day on the job. Since then I have found about 20 new jobs to apply for. Hopefully I will be able to get a car. And I’m going to get a blackberry, so this summer is not lost after all.

Love’s a timed thing
Summer happens once a year
And we only have one life to live
It seems all these facts have
Come to my attention at once
So I guess ill get my passport set
And fly out on the next thing soaring
So what will you do for the summer 2010

post

I lost my job on the first day... I need money for school and i really don't want to turn 21 with out having a car. So sorry i don't feel like writing this post. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Mid Day Post

I had one of those mid day naps because I got up real early to go out with one of my old friends for some eats. I swear I thought three dollars was going to get me three regular size pancakes. Well they tricked me. I got these jinormous pancakes and I couldn’t even finish one. That’s why Americans are so fat right now.

Anyway my dream was about me and my father… So I was like grown with dreads to kill. And I got a call from this producer guy saying my father was ready to meet me. And in my dream I was like about time. And when I got there it was like a regular day at his house. His kids were running around in pampers, his wife was making dinner and he was in the studio. So I sat there and waited for him to come out. In the dream he didn’t have to explain anything to me. It was like we were best friends already. And I was just waiting for him to ask me into his life. So towards the end I had a male friend come and visit and I wanted him to meet my newly found father. But for some reason he was running away from me and the guy. So finally I sat the male down and went searching for my father. When I saw him he was running out the back door. And I was like hell no get your sorry excuse for a dad ass back in here and face me. I would probably never really say that but in my dream it came out. He came back in and told me he just couldn’t be the dad I wanted, and that I was better off with out him. You see I found this strange because not once did we argue about money, him not paying child support, college, getting me a car, nothing. But what I wanted from him was to be my dad.

At breakfast this came up in our convo. Like I have a step dad who has been there for me I think from like the age 8. And he knows my SSN, my birth date, the grades I get, he’s been at all my graduations, he know of all my ex heart breaks, he’s picked me up from school, I’m on his taxes, and he loves me. So he is in a sense everything I want in a dad. But I still wanted to give my father a chance at being there. Unfortunately I think this dream was telling me he can’t be that for me.

While checking my email I came across a bit of information on a family in England. A black family, “Peter and Paula Imafidon, 9-year-old twins from Waltham Forest in northeast London, are a part of the highest-achieving clan in the history of Great Britain education.” It’s about a family from Nigeria in West Africa who came over 30 years ago. They have produced some amazing children. With Anne-Marie now 20 who holds the world record as the youngest girl to pass the A-level computing, when she was just 13. She is now studying Johns Hopkins University, in Baltimore. Then Christina, 17, is the youngest student to ever get accepted and study at an undergraduate institution at any British university at 11. Another one is Samantha, now age 12, had passed two rigorous high school-level mathematics and statistics exams at the age of 6. The cap stone being Peter and Paula, they aren’t saying that there genes are to thank but the great education for the underprivileged.

I found this interesting because my friend and I also talked about this at breakfast; because yesterday May 17th was the anniversary of the Brown vs. Bored of Education. He believed that schools would have been better in a sense if they were still segregated; because the African American children would learn more about their African roots, while the causations would learn from the curriculum that we are learning now. I had to disagree; I believe predominantly black schools are some what of a crutches. They are not a sample of the real world. Because in the real world nothing is color coded everyone is in the same bucket trying to reach to the top. I also believe we are still segregated but not by color. Instead we are segregated my income. If your family makes a certain amount you can afford to live in certain areas and these areas may be predominantly black or white, causing schools to be segregated by money instead of color.

What do you feel about this?

Wet and Rainy

Hey there beautiful people. I’m using my old desk top to write this post. And I kinda miss the old hag. Lls I did my running around today (Monday). And I found out because of my brother I missed out on some well deserved scholarship money. It seems like boys take their sweet time doing everything that is important to their feature. And that is sad. You wait and wait put it off for another day or 5 and then the chance is gone. I love my brother I do, but he’s messing with my money and that right there my healthy followers will get you hurt. LLs JK JK I’m not a killer.

I am however the bait magnet in DC. I swear I could be wearing a trash bag in dc and still have some dude chasing up my skirt. But I don’t want it for some reason. I mean yeah it’s the summer time; time to run in the sun and make love. But I don’t wanna waste my time trying again. And in DC like lets be real, most these guys don’t have cars and if they did they would just catch some more bait as soon as I pack my toothbrush for junior year at VCU. I’m starting to get that feeling again like I’m not special enough to catch the bait. Like I can’t really keep the company of someone I really like. I know I fell off in the maintenance area with the pudgy but dang I can fix that. Ugh never mind.

I really want this summer to be for the better good. To be able to say I did something worth while. And not have it be a person but a cause. I want to start making my mark in the world. I want to start being a legend.

I took my tracks out. My head was itching and it keeping me up all night. Lls I couldn’t take it. So I’m back to being the dread head

ehhh just another post

Been home for like a day now. And I feel a little cramped. I feel like I need my space. I need to get away some how. But I guess it will go away when I get to working. My main job starts Thursday and I’m still looking for my weekend joint.

I cooked some food. And my family came to eat it. They liked it but I still fill like I have to prepare more food in order to get their approval. Its like yeah you can cook but can you cook this and that and what not. Ugh

I been watching my OC and I really can’t get into it like I use to. Maybe because I seen these episodes but I can’t remember where I left off.

I also realized how proud my family is for me. They are really happy about this whole college thing. Like I didn’t even get my grades yet and there all like oh were so proud of you good job Ash looking forward to next year. Llls I was surprised I thought they would be like why aren’t you at an internship and what not. But it doesn’t seem like they care.

Working on getting a car before I turn 21 and getting a new phone. Alright that’s enough of my life for today. Here is a question for you all. What would you do with a day where you had nothing to do, 100 dollars a car and a friend? Where would you go, who would you take, what would yall do?

Lets gooo

Done with finals. done with sophomore year. Now lets get this summer started so I can buy a car, a new phone and turn 21.

Comment on me

I wonder why no one ever comments on my posts??? Are you not reading my blog? Are you just looking at in passing? Am i not good enough for a response? I like a back and forth convo. So unless you talk with me i might have to cut down on the posting...

Ha ha

Opps I forgot these from my last post about studying and what not. One more test to go and I'm done with finals. Dang I still have to pack.

Speaking to a Nation of Young Lovers

I could never understand why people don’t say what they mean every time they open their mouth or try to communicate. I was always told “think before you talk” and “if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all”, but all those saying mean nothing if what you’re saying out your mouth is not the truth.

Another thing I need help understanding is why when you cut off the relationship with someone you feel the need to cut of everything that you have with that person. There was obviously something about that person you liked and wanted around you. SO why make them feel like you hate their guts??. Why short change them with the information your feeling. If you feel it didn’t work that’s fine. There are plenty of thing you quite because it wasn’t working and guess what… a relationship is one of them. It doesn’t mean war on the other person, it doesn’t mean that you are suddenly their arch enemies. It simply means your not dating anymore.

So I am saying this because for all those boys who broke my heart or simply broke up with me. I don’t hate you. I really probably just want to still be your friend.

Cause you know when you see that person on the street or in class you still wish you all were still in the same situation where you could hug and kiss each other. If not then I’m pretty sure your missing a really good friend. No relationship means anything if you all weren’t friends to begin with.

SO sorry to my ex guy friend, were weren’t in a relationship we were simply
dating exclusively. The communication was off. And it wasn’t to be forever. But
every time I see you ill say there goes my friend, and I will have no problem
hugging you or saying hi. Ill still wake up thinking were still together and my
eyes will still water because I realized we aren’t. But you will always have a
friend in me.

Has anyone ever thought of that?

Retraction

I have been asked to edit some of my blogs. So I have. I took out a name. So now unless you know the situation you won’t know who the guy was. But the situation did happened and unless I have been dreaming, I’m not taking my words down. But I do respect him enough to keep his name out of my mouth.

Unfit for distribution

NO word from the ex on his side of the story so basically if you haven’t heard, he texted me at 3 am to tell me he read my blog and that he had no idea I felt that way about the whole situation. And I’m like you dummy how did you think I felt?? Anyway we ended up saying we would talk it over no sugar coating or what ever.

But it didn’t happen. SO I guess ill just leave it as is and go into the summer hoping to forget this relationship ever happened.

To be honest anyone that tells you that they didn’t wanna be in a relationship with you but still ended up in one is someone you need to forget. It’s not my fault I keep telling myself. But it really is. I wanted a relationship so bad I let a little boy snake me into believing I had feelings for him.

The fun times did happen and he did get me flowers for Valentines Day. So he’s not all that bad. But he is not boyfriend material right now. And will have to be stamped unfit for distribution. Let’s hope the remodel is better.


BY the way this is all in big letters cause a friend told me people only read the words in big writing. SO ha read this..

hola como esta|Trying something out

Hey now

IM beautiful really I Am

so when will my prince come to get me???

Just took a break from my studying

to Post some pics. lls

The night bugs do bit

I have some grief to lay on you and it came to me via text at 3 am. But I’m going to wait for the whole story so I have something of meaning to say cause what I have to say now. Would only drop your jaw in question of what went wrong. SO ill wait till I get the other side.

Finals week almost over

Finals aren’t a joke this year, but I just want them to be over. I really hate when the teacher decided to test you on everything you learned in the class like you really sat there and remembered all the crazy mess. I have three other important classes mama why you think I give a shit about your class like come one really tho really?

I got put on to Pandora and its hitting.

I packed up most of my stuff now I’m just waiting to finish these exams and go home. I’m a get wasted I’m telling you that. I need a drink right now cause of these lady pains but I cant cause I’m studying and on these vitamins that suppose to help you retain what you learned and I just don’t think it’s a good mix.

I’m a stop bitching for a while and get back to these books.

(Side note) I miss him a little bit less every day and I reach for him a little bit less every night. But my eyes still water at the thought of him leaving me.

On mothers day tho dang

It’s still finals week and I have three finals in this week. Then ill be off to DC the chocolate city.

My last few posts have been about a boy that I was in a relationship with. Well it’s over between us. At first I wanted to bring pain to him. But I realized I love something about him. And just because he is young at heart still and doesn’t know what to do with his feels.

He decided this was moving to fast. So he pulled away from me. He gave me some bull excuse about the distance over the summer. I live in dc which is two hours away from VCU and I had planned on coming to visit. But I guess he wanted more or a little bit less.

All I ask is that he doesn’t try and act like I wanted this. I was a happy camper lls. I have to say I felt happy for a bit. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy but its not the same as knowing you have someone you can hung up with and let them play in your hair, tell you about their day, watch sports, and do hw with. Ill get over it.

What I don’t think I can get over is knowing he is going to be living in the same dorm as me next school year. Well we will deal with that when it comes. I probably won’t be able to contain myself if I see him with someone else. But that’s just for right now.

Happy Mothers Day

I miss him

It’s been a week now and I really miss him. You know how when u were little and every song that came on the radio seemed to remind u of them some how. Well that’s how I’m feeling right now.

Usually every Tuesday I would spend the night and cuddle up with him. Yeah it was a twin bed and we really wouldn’t get much sleep but I felt safe. Now I can’t sleep until I’m really tired. This happens around 2 o’clock. Tonight I have to go to sleep early because I have a test at 8 am. Let’s hope it works tonight.

I miss my man, and I want him back.

But what are we suppose to do when he doesn’t want me back.

Let’s pray he does. Kay bye

Dumb boys

You all, who ever is out there who ever looks at this page. I don’t know what to do. I’m suppose to be in a relationship, but it just so happens that we haven’t talked since last week Thursday. And today is Wednesday. I am not the girl that feels it's okay to constantly run after her man for attention. But it seems like that’s the girl he needs.

This comes at a bad time because his birthday is next week and it's finals week at school. So his distance could be because of studying. But even the best student can pick up a phone and texts someone. I can’t even get that. The last time he talked to me was the second of May and today is May 5, 2010.

Before this situation I had planned think to get him a cake, a wallet cause he lost his and hasn’t gotten one since, and a card ( I got him the card- and ended up taking it back), and then something a little more personal. But after the conversation we had that night I don’t feel like he would care if I was to forget all about him and his dumb birthday.

So I had plan on just writing my feeling in a card and I hope when he reads it he will remember that he did ask me to be his girlfriend. But that didnt happen.

drunk post

Fartining is nasty that is all

Golden Mic

I just came from a awesome performance because my friend Demetrius Cater asked me to. I was in my bed doing my home work in my pj’s and I got up and went. And let me tell you it was a great experience. The show was a content called the golden mic.

A lot of the participants sang and were African American. However there was a Chinese male and some Spanish females who showed there talent as well. Although my friend didn’t win I feel as though everyone who got on stage is a winner. Because I remember in high school in my poetry class we had a performance every few weeks and everyone had to participate.

I would go through so many different emotions before getting on stage. SO what I’m saying is you’re a winner in my book just by getting on the stage and letting GODS light show.

Shout out to all the talented people. Hopefully one day you’ll feel the urge to let your light shine.