Im having trouble

I’m having some trouble with writing this English 200 paper. But other then that a lot has gone good for me today I got some English HW done, did my last assignment for world cinema. So now all I have to do is write these two papers one for English and one for world cinema. Hear is a big quote I found from a writer at essences my paper is on hair and a section of it focuses on African American hair…. Duh lol.

“I am your brother, your father, your husband and your son. I've seen you in church with big hats on, giving children the evil eye. And at the jail on visiting day, shoring up that wayward man. And at the bus stop in the rain on your way to work. And at the dining table with pen and paper, working miracles of money. When I was a baby, you nursed me, when we were children, I chased you through the house; when we were dating, I missed half the movie, stealing sugar from you. I saw you born; I took you to your prom; I glowed with pride when you went off to school. I have married you and buried you. I love your smile. A million times, you took my breath away.”

You are the rock and salvation of our people, the faith that remains when all hope is gone. So if it's about the need to be beautiful, maybe it's time somebody told you:

You already are. You always were.

By= Leonard Pitts Jr.

On the love end of my life I have been messing with this guy who uses to have a girl friend for…. Well a long time and we had intercourse and he took to condom off on me so I was mad and made him stop. So I have been messing with him saying what if I’m pregnant lol he won’t like when I tell him I was play lol. Then the guy that isn’t my normal fancy just got on my last nerve I’m getting out of practice and he said he wanted to get something to eat so I say I’m on my way back to my room ill meet you.. And then I see him walking away from ware I told him to meet me. Then he doesn’t answer and tells me he was talking to a resident (he’s a RA) but he was lying. Then I say “I saw you walking away” and he changes his story… needless to say I’m still hungry. I guess ill be eating oatmeal and working on these papers after a nice shower….

Oh let me tell you about this place I’m living in. Someone is not cleaning the tube after they shower and is leaving this black guck in the tube and it’s been there all day… I don’t want to clean it but I have to shower… I’m so ready to get out of this place…

Yeah Me!!!!

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have been chosen as a model for our annual Fashion Show!

I’m too happy… I really want to do this show and now I am… But because of the late practices I won’t be blogging much. Just letting you know my blogger people.

hey I'm human

I lied to myself told me

“You. You’re not going out tonight” then the inevitable incurs I am in a skit shirt and cow boy boots on my way to a house party…

So I haven’t really started on my book yet but I did find some pieces on a flash drive from high school that I wanted to put in it. One of them is my bio hear it is.

I love to learn and I have always been an honor roll student. Whenever I received a report card my teachers would always say that I was a joy to have in their classroom. I have always had the drive to go beyond the two hours required for homework. For Elementary I went to school at Fox Elementary, Davis Elementary, and Bruce Monroe and I remember sitting in kitchen with a dictionary, and encyclopedias, and my list of vocabulary words. I was always proud to do homework. When I passed in my vocabulary words or my test it would always seemed like one of my greatest achievements. I would say I have been learning and happy to show off my new skills since I first learned to spell my name.

I am now a senior at Duke Ellington and I am in the literary media department. I have been at the school all four years, and have enjoyed every step of the way. In the school year 2006-07 I was inducted into the national honors society. The summer of 2007 I was privileged enough to take part in a junior scholars program at Miami University of Ohio, with a Mr. Dr. Smith. And now that I’m in my senior year and have been applying to schools I have been accepted to Benedict College who has also granted me a scholarship worth $7,500, Hofstra University, Hood College who has granted me a scholarship worth $8,000, Xavier University, and Virginia Commonwealth University ware I have decide to attend in the fall semester.

. I am actually looking forward to experience the nights filled with homework and late night studying when I got to college. I believe I am one out of the large number of kids that deserve a great education. I have gotten this far on my ability to achieve academically through hard work, determination and faith. By reading this bio I hope that you understand that I am not only the high GPA and mediocre SAT score, but I also have a goal and I will always strive for excellence. It is my only option.

So I did do some work on the book this week.

Then there’s a bit of my play that I started. Not going to show that lol. It’s not ready for viewing….

Oh my love life is no better but I’m chilling with this new guy… he’s not the normal type of guy for me to chill with but its fun..

Hey Mr. West Mr. Fresh Mister …

Some of the greatest rappers became so from word of mouth. Before you know biggie he knew himself. And before I knew my talent I knew I loved words. So I wanted to take this blog for today and talk about my rapper friends. I have a great array of them from DC, to RVA and the NC. I love them all.

My girl Lola Maxwell just put out a new mix tape I briefly spoke about that in my last blog. You should go download that it will have you rapping in class no lie happened to me today. I’m in class going over one of the other students paper and I’m doing her song Geeking in my head “every time I’m speaking uh I got them geeking, uh look at them peeking” I’m not going to go in on you all just yet but its hot. Go visit her on myspace = http://www.myspace.com/lolamaxwell, Follow her on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/lolamaxwell, Read her thought on BlogSpot http://www.lolamackswell.blogspot.com, The listen to her rap on imeem. http://www.imeem.com/missjillz,

Then you can hit up Michael 'Akzionz' Newby my brother from the same school and what not. He is always creating so you can get him at his links on http://myspace.com/akzionz, http://akzionz.blogspot.com, http://twitter.com/akzionz.

Then we have the M1_Platoon over in NC Central get at them on the blog tip http://www.m1platoon.blogspot.com or on Facebook. It’s a couple of them so look out for them. Hear is the line up

Mc's:

Scoopay
Vaughn Garcia
Sean D
Big Chopps

DJ:
DJ Gonzo
Producers:

Napalm
Vaughn Garcia


1st Family:

Lord Fuego
Prince Markee
Nathaniel Grey
Carlitta Durand
Savin
DJ Prince.

The in DC we have Banquo ‘bangboy’://www.myspace.com/banguhs, http://www.twitter.com/bangboy, http://www.imeem.com/banquo, http://www.sp606.blogspot.com, http://www.zshare.net/download/63230626f8764140/

And then your boy G5 Clivehttp://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/G5CLIVE, http://WWW.TWITTER.COM/G5CLIVE, http://WWW.G5CLIVE.BLOGSPOT.COM, http://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/G5CLIVE. Yes this man put his YouTube page out therefore yall so go hit them up. DC aint chillin no more we on our grind. Sorry just had to say it “I’m a DC head”.

Yet another out of DC MR. Thomas 'Hipnosis' Carter check out “Super wavey” and the remix http://www.zshare.net/audio/62034935c100af36/available, http://www.zshare.net/audio/62034935c100af36/available

The last rapper of the night we have a fellow that goes by Rockstar BK, I’m not going to lie and say oh I know he is hot. I did hear two of his songs and I liked it. I’m not saying be on him mad hard, But I am saying we owe it to our fellow man to support. I know he raps and since I’m on the subject I decide to put him out there. I’m going to post this YouTube video and when I get some more information on him I’ll give my honest option on him. I must say the person that told me about him did seem real hype about this mans future so you just might want to keep an eye out. I know I will,

Blogger people

Hey my blogger people. I wanted to let everyone know what’s going on. I’m almost finished with the first semester in my sophomore year yeah me. My little brother and the president are cool peeps. Just look at the pics.

A couple of my friends are tripping out over this weight lost thing. I guess all the eating is getting to them, yet they laugh at me for not eating… I don’t eat as much as most because I had braces and I chew my food which was found to make the body believe that it has eaten more then it actually had… It’s been studied look it up. But I’m not saying I’m better, or thinner because I’m not, I just have a different way of eating.

All these test are getting to my brain and I think that this is the only reason I have been going out and partying soooo much, I mean like Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. It’s not a good look.

So now I’m looking for something else to spend my spare time doing so that I can keep my brain sane. I think I’m going to work on getting my collection of poems together give it a theme and find people to help get it published.

I always wanted to do it but never followed it up. Or I could work on a short story that has been in my head for a few months now. So I say all this to say I wont be making these up and coming events, no matter how free they are.

I’m going to take this time to shout out my girl Lola Maxwell and her new album FROM THE PLANET OF THE GREAT http://tinyurl.com/ycjwe5y Trust me she’s the truth.

These Negros make me mad

I deserve to be loved out loud
Deserve flowers and cheesecake
Cant stand backward stepping Negros
Won’t keep the company of a bad chick like I
So stand back creeping Negros
Look out you down low hoes
Cause ill bust your shit and won’t look back

I sit in silence
And he holds me
With a air of importance
Not a strand of my hair will fall
With out his attention paid in full
It takes only a moment in his day to notice
That love isn’t a feeling it’s a way of living
A bunch of time pulled together to form a stepping
Stone silent is how I like my men

I’m busy what can I say. I’m looking forward to spreading my self thin so that I can’t notice all the good loving I’m missing out on. So I have no boy trouble to talk about. I’m not gay, I haven’t gotten a car yet, I living in a dorm and like anyone else I don’t get alone with my roommate but she thinks were the best of friends…. I’m modeling hears are some pictures

I’m looking into moving, I want to move but I’m not sure if VCU will let me out of the contract. I’m in school so I feel smarter everyday. Drinking like what I bet god doesn’t like it, but I’m not sure if I want to stop.

The poem isn’t about anyone, I just didn’t want to go to sleep at 9 so I decided to write. TTYL

Just stay you

SO yall it didn’t work out for me and the boy but hey it’s ok. I hope he found true love with the girl he keeps telling me was just and friend and nothing more, I guess he got tired of lying to himself.

But I have grown a bit I feel like I’m not afraid to go after what I want. I haven’t been drinking as much cups of hot chocolate so that’s helping me lose weight lol. I went after this other boy I liked he’s in a fraternity not saying no names and he likes me… but hey it will never work we all know why.

I do feel like I’m missing something or someone. Like, I wonder some times why I haven’t I found that one to be like “oh I remember in college there was this one boy that I thought was the one and we were together for x amount of time”.

Lol I just want a relationship for real, a job would be nice to. A friend of mine told me you have to just go for it and keep going cause sooner then later there going to get tired of telling you no. I think ill try and adapt that to a lot more then job interviews.

My mom’s two cents in all of this was that you just have to be a bit pickier with who you talk to. And I never wanted to be one of those up tight I’m to good for this boy type of girl but I guess that’s what they want or that’s what keeps them up at night dreaming about you, so that’s what they will get….

Chow me amigos.

Till next time stay black

or white

or Asian

just stay you. lol

I'm 20 yall

What’s up my cyber peeps. I’m in school and I’m loving the life. Since my last blog I had a birthday and found new fancy. I still have no car still have no boyfriend but I’m 20 and I feel like expressing my fancy it’s a different one. I’m happy for the simple things, the slight thoughts that I get in the middle of the night. So they one is for my jiga boo

The funny looks you throw my way
The strange breathing patterns you have
In your eyes I wish I could put all my wants
In your heart I wish I could teach you how to love
But at the end of the day
Your eyes are yours and your heart beats faster when your holding me
And that’s why I’m found of your presence.

I'm back yall I'm back

I don’t know what it is about this year but it seems like its going to be more pleasing then last school year. I don’t know if its that I know more people or that I live in a better dorm, but what ever the case this school year seems promising.

It’s been a while since I blogged probably back when I was in New Orleans. It’s not that I had a lot to do. It’s just that what I was doing wasn’t worth talking about. Now that I’m back at school I have some venting to do.

So coming back to school means dealing with the guys I use to talk to and trying to keep my distance. I’m not going to call them by name but there’s a K and two D’s an A and an R that I have to figure out what to do. The there’s this nice guy that my age and has a car and own room but I have decided that I don’t want to get into anything. So it’s coming at a bad time. Then there’s this girl that I have found attractive and I don’t know ware that come from.

I have a new room mate I don’t know what it is but I just can’t get into her. Like I invited her to hang with my friends and stuff she came and we played Uno. But I still don’t see a connection. I think it was because this morning I my IPod has a alarm on it. And it went off so I understand her telling me to turn it off. But the second time my music was playing on low and she knocks on her dresser like I’m some kind of pet and was like can you turn your music down or off. It was already low so I was like ugh. I didn’t turn it down and I’m not going to.

I’m back on my own I have twitter and I’m broke still no car lets see what I get into this year.

Laying at the bottom of the ocean watching clouds and fish go bye

It’s been hours since I felt the inspiration
Months since feeling like a sun beam
But when I sleep and dream
I don’t let the world come in
I over see the land my father has made
Follow his grandmaster plain for me
Remember the smooth and relive the rough moments

My cotton candy wont melt hear
And ill say oh my my
I get to stand on the sun
And fell all right right

Tickle the feet of father time
Because hell always laugh
And never fake like he doesn’t enjoy a good laugh

The posein ivy wont itch
And ill be all right right
Till day when I cant remember
If I’m dreaming
Or really rubbing elbows with
Old time celebrities
To real to be wax
and to dead to be real

It will be the day before I dance till dawn
The evening before I meet Prince
And give him my extra time
And more then a kiss

Ill like it to be the hour past the last
When I lay at the bottom of the ocean
watching clouds and fish go bye

But that was the night before last

Tonight ill dream about that
Man my mom has been preparing for
The one that left to early to be attached
The one that came to soon to be whole
Ill dream of all those
Who stepped in the club and got kicked out
By father time
Cause when he not laughing he’s bouncing

Holding it down
With a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his right
And a hot coco in the left

My dream world is broken by Mama Lisa.
"Get up its 2 oclock"

Genesis 32: 20

I have been on vacation for a while. And I think the piece that I was looking for the summer was the little shred of me that I had lost amidst all the foolishness through out the year since I left Junior high school and the day I went to church and meet my new pastor (Mr. Cheeks). Now I don’t know too much about him he seems like a young man, today I remember him saying something about being in a Fraternity but he never specified which one and also I heard through the grape vine that he has grown up children…


But that’s not the importance of the day. From the day I left Jefferson and came to Duke Ellington I allowed my self to be remembered as hat girl that was with Chyna (one of my best friends) or the girl with the big but (which isn’t that bad). I allowed the people around me hinder me from moving across that bridge. Its like my mom always said when I was in school your friends won’t be there when you go off to college and in the work field... But I never thought to carry that on out of elementary and junior high school. If your reading this and are one of my good friends then you might agree. When you are with me I allow the group to choose the location of the festivities. But what I learned is that there is a destination that I have that I have to walk to alone.



The pastor brought up a good thing… you know how you going through something real bad and you calling and calling your friends but don’t no one pick up. Or say you on Facebook and then Facebook say no one is online. It’s not because they just decide not to be there for you. It’s because God made it so. Weird… So I start thinking back and I remember this one bad ass time when I was looking at this movie P.S I Love you… And I was all alone. This was ending of freshman year at VCU. I had two roommates and no one was in. My good friends who live in the same building were not answering. The internet wasn’t working and all the many guys who I would text just to chat would not text back… And that night I cried like I was trying to make myself a glass of water. But it helped me I had to do it on my own had to let that pain out on my own.

Any way back to what I have gained I am the only Ashley Analicia Bedeau for now. And my decisions depend on what I think and how I feel and when I cant think and feel for myself I have a Father who will see me through because he is the one who giveth and taketh away when he see fit.

Oh wee I'm free

I was at the club...

Just Minding my Busisness....

And the camra just seem to find me.

I learned new words tho, scoop= thats like booking niggas., Caking= like bunning. And that the new thing is to slur your words.

So there for i have scooped and caked and slured my words and got three numbers and two dates so fare in the past lets say 4 days. OH yeah i think i like it/

Just saying

The summer could be no better before I was a little bit worried because I lost my apartment that I just knew was going to be popping. But I made my way down south to my brothers stomping ground. It’s actually nice down hear, the weather could use a bit more heat but it’s nice for now. Truth be told I’m thinking about staying down hear if I get a job, and that’s only because I have a set car nice apartment new friends that don’t know too much about me. Oh and we can’t forget this lover boy of a pit bull. So sexy…

But don’t worry DC ill be back sooner then later. Just know you got some making up to do. Let’s have it on the papers Saturday I was plastered your girl was making luv with the toilet… But I was home for like two weeks and didn’t have one good drink…or jay. Just saying.

i tell you things do change

Life at the moment is moving as tho I never left. I got my bed back and everyone is in the house once more. My brother and I stay up talking about all our endeavors as rising adults and I don’t want to let the moments go bye this easy. Right now im in the house alone like I always did on the weekends because the thought of me being alone in a apartment made me feel like I owned it and I was in charged… I use to want to be grow so fast, but now im just happy with being me at this point in time. I just wish that this me could find a job sooner then later. If your reading this blog in DC and have a job opening for me please email me at bedeau_ashley@yahoo.com . have a blessed life/

my little sister just dont know

I feel like shaking her untill she gets the point. She goes out to the movies which was paid for from the school. And she askes for 10 dollors i give it to her. Then she came in today and we found out that she had 20 dollors to buy food. She keep saying that you have to have 20 dollors to eat/// Now I know most of you who follow are in college and you understand the crunch on money, have you ever bought a meal for 20 dollors.... I dont even pay 20 dollors when I go out to eat.

And this is why i dont wanna have kinds. I would be beating her ass right now.

for the time being

I don’t know what it is. I get so sad when I see you boys try so hard. You have failed me. I thought I had something going…. But it didn’t last that long. Thought I had had a backstage fan. Turned out to be a groupie in nice clothing. I’m a focus on getting this bio joint out the way and you can focus on getting that lotion off your dick.

Ill be home in a few, don’t know if ill be getting an apartment for sure. But if I do I will not be allowed visitors. Which means mad overnight visits with my friends in the DMV area close to the address.

I’m trying to get jobs out the wazoo so if you read this got some ideas for me to hit up hit my email at bedeau_ashley@yahoo.com.

Also I got my first storage unit for myself... its like buying an apartment but cheaper lol so much paper work.

My Bose mobile is so funny. It sent me a text message from a friend asking me if I though I was ready for the final… The final was Friday and its Saturday…. But when I call to confirm that my phone is funny, they tell me they didn’t take the test Friday and actually did send the text that day…. See if I didn’t know better I would say my phone acts right when It wants to. Had it been a cretin booty call I wouldn’t have got it till the next week. Lmao smh….

owww you in trouble

I’m in love with you
I want you to know
no man women or child
could make me feel this way
but you

you’re the lime stone in my life
that’s reoccurring every two hours
I find you when I’m not looking
You catch me cheating
And I want you to know
It’s only because your so good
I had to see if there was anything like you.

This may sound dumb but it’s just a start ill get back to it later… basically I’m in love with this person. It’s not a pre mature love, they been there through thick and thin. They forced me to eat when I wanted to starve, forced me away from the edge when I wanted to let the wind murder me. The only person that I know will be there when I feel pain and can’t explain ware its coming from.

My freshmen year of college is almost over. No more wondering if I’m not smart enough I made it this far so I’m smarter then my mom and biological father lolol. It’s a good feeling knowing that you’re not following but breaking into your own path.

Something else

It’s the I who you want to be
Should the coke bottle
Break in the reality of the new me
When the tests are over and the books sold
Will our convocations be as strong?

Stoped studying to blog

Okay breath of fresh air thank you lord I was wondering ware all the artist went. I got to college all ready to meet people that was about making something of themselves with their lap tops typing away with there caramel frap… okay I was talking about me.

But not to long ago I accepted the friend ship of a guy by the name of Ray Bullock this is Facebook you never know his name could really be frank but that’s what ill call him…. So I’m chatting it up with Ray and we come across the fact that I can’t spell. Then we talked about that fact that it’s sad because we both can’t spell good… and we both write how weird is that... Then he gives me a link to this page (thecmag.com).

It blew me out the water. I will have to say he just jump from no cool point to like a 100. If you can make me second guess giving you my BlogSpot Url that you just might be the shit. There’s only one other person that has made me feel like upping my game and that’s Rana who calls her self Ray omg that’s weird. Well enjoy the poem for the day. It’s about a special Kappa... Don’t we all just love the Nupes?

Let’s take a fart for example
You feel it coming
Forcing its way on you
You clinch hoping to stall the explosion
Silence the horns
Tame the wiled cat
Expel it nice and slowly
So that no one ever knew it happened
But this fart has a mind of its own
Much like you
It plains to ruin the air around you
Wants everyone near you
To feel the need for distance for a while
It makes you want to
Crawl in the bed and hug your knees
As a silent tear bends the corner

Your that fart
The stank
Repulsive
Egotistical
Tramp of a fart
I whish never happened

I hate new things

I hate new things
Why is it when I start having fun shit just magically fucks up?
It’s like the world is out for me. What have I ever done to deserve the treatment that I am receiving... since when is it okay to forget about the past, when is it okay to let people walk out of your life like running water.

I crave the first day we meat the uneasy silence we shared when trying to figure out the best way to start a conversation.

"I want yesterday because tomorrow ant going to give me what I need" (Liana Castro). I want the first day I walked into Duke Ellington and everything was in such an array it just felt right.

I want the day I came home and heard that my mom was getting married. I want those days. Those days when my innocents was not fading away into the red sea of sin.

I want the day when we stayed on the telephone until someone’s mother said "its 4 in the morning what in the world could yall be talking about”.

I want to know that if I stay out to late my dad will always be there to come and scope me up with out even a word of questioning. Have I become a boy crazed, hamburger eating fool? I have lost some of the best friends because I didn't not care. Leaped into new world I have never been educated about.

In my months away from home not once did I pick up a pen to write, not once have I found a way to say the sun looks like M&M's exploding. Not once did I recognize the rescores I had at hand. I love the world for what it has made I do.

But I want to go back to the little girl with nappy hair that would some how give way to her mother’s gentle strokes. I want to go back to eating fruit loops in my father’s house. Go back to New York, so I can sit in my father’s car and eat ice cream and play tricks on my step mom. I want to relive those time.

I want the hour I fell in love,

the moment I spread into adulthood.

My innocent’s cup is half empty; some may chose to see it as half full but to me.

I have lost a gallon and I don’t know the reason. I want the night before my brother’s graduation, I want the night I realized we were a family; I want the impossible to spring to existence. I want this pain to end.

Make it end lord because I don’t know who else to go to.

little bit of a fall back in sorry

Now that my freshman year of college is over and all the classes are over, I feel like I am better now then when I started out. I started wanting to make friends, wanting to be like and trying to get to know people. But even though I have done all this I still have the same select friends from high school I still don’t know ware all the parties are and on a night like tonight when most people are hanging out with friends drinking watching a movie and playing video games I’m in my room working on home work and studying for finals. I was this person in high school because I was forced to be but now that I have had that chance to try and be the social butterfly I have decide I was one before but not the one who leaves the house at 1 o’clock in the morning and never come home till 12 the next day. I like falling asleep in my own bed and waking up to familiar people in my bed (me and my teddy bear). So I’m ending the year off different then I came in but I’m the same in the way that matter the most.

why its a small world

Im sorry I been slaking of a bit. I did a show at Virginia Union it was cool, and yes I say the guy from the other blogs but I didn’t speak because he didn’t speak, but I know he saw me. I don’t know what it is but I feel like when boys join a frat they get to feeling them selves, its not like I knew him before, but it just don’t seem right for someone to be so cocky, he was like I ain’t going to add you on Facebook because I got such a long line of friend request and if I don’t add them they will get mad. I was like bump it. So that’s ware I am with that guy.

Then one of my cousins friends who was also at the party last weekend stole my number from him (my cousin) and texted me. Come to find out this man I married and he trying to push up on me ( I knew something wasn’t right).

Lastly I’m going to the dance at my school now. I really don’t want to because I have dreads now and I don’t know how to dress them up. But I have to go because my tutor is like really sweet and he begged me to go so ill do it… Ill probably have pics in the later blogs.

Oh and I was at my friends room in cab nasty and there was this girl named Ashley and she was talking about her bf that lived in C&B I’m thinking oh I had a friend that I use to talk to… okay I’m lying I didn’t think about it at all. But when I saw the pic I saw that it was my ex play thing, it was sad because I wanted to be friend with her, she wanted to be friend with me but I think It would be hard knowing that I had relations whit your bf round the same time yall was getting to know each other. So I just let it go, didn’t even look twice.

I had this weekend

This weekend was the craziest I had to deal with the most craziness. It started off with me not having a cell phone. Then it went on to me having an exam in stat let’s hope I do good. Then I got a supersize visit from one of my friends from dc. He hung out with me for a while and we went to the probate ware one of my friends crossed as an AKA. This was like the longest joint I have ever seen because they had the AKA’s and the Alpha cross in one whole setting. Its was to long, after that I split ways with my friend from dc and joined up with some high school friends and a new friend from school to go to this after party at the bowling ally. I never realized how much fun a bowling party could be. And that night I had my first experience with trying to get a number and not having a phone. Needles to say the first try went sour. The second attempt was on point, he was tall with long profound dreads, and it just looked like this brother had his head on real good. So I got the number but had no way to call so I ended my Friday night with a shower and some hot coco.

Then Saturday still no phone I woke up and meet back up with my friend from DC and we went to Shafer to share a little insite on how our lives had been. My friend AD came over and watched as my friend from DC made me this little miniature replication of a much larger piece of work I wanted but could not afford. Then we eat some pizza and separated ways. I then meet up with my cousin who wanted to hang out with me because we hadn’t had anytime to chill. So having no phone I had to bring AD along with me to the parties, I don’t know if she wanted to go but I was glade she came. We first went to this place called the crossroads but they hadn’t started yet so we just went to this other party at university of Richmond (nice school I have to say) and the party was boring but guess who was there. The guy who I got number the other night. Well when he says me he came over and we hung out for most of the party. Then later on that night he came over we watched a movie and then I went to his placed we had smoked a bit and then he took me back to my room. It was great. But unfortionaly I still have no phone, he is behind in school do to crossing over alpha at Union and I don’t think well be seeing much of each other.

Then Sunday I got the phone I had been waiting on but it didn’t do any of the things my mom had promise and on top of that it turned of every five mins if it was not connected to the wall. SO its turned off and ill be waiting on the new phone to come….. And that is Roxy’s weekend now Ashley will take over and do the homework and go to sleep at a reasonable time to get up and take a quiz for INTL 101…

My life is me, and i am clean

My Day

Is the moon cool,

like frozen cheese.

It must have some heat.

Because the lamp lights I touch

they burn me everywhere.

Like a love that I start,

and forget to end.

When love knocks,

I have already answered,

When the sky bleeds.

I’ll already be dead.

This is a poem I wrote a long time ago. I just thought that those still following would like to see ware I have come from. I am still a writer I won’t let people hurt me and allow my talent to drift away. I may not be the girl that you want to be your wife, but god dame it if you wont remember my spunk, my laugh, my essence, and lastly my poetry so you can lose me in the translation as much as you will but for every boy that has left me, remember you did just that leave me while I became stronger and better for the next.

personal time

Today was a personal day. My tutor like a dummy didn’t text me and be like ware you at when he say that I was late, Dummy. So I woke up at 11 and studied for my stat 210 exam on Friday, let’s hope that I get a 80 this time. I be so close fucking 76 and 78 but never a 80. I really want a 100, but I probably wont because I just found out she takes off points if you’re wrong, so I’m not even going to try on the ones I don’t know. So I stayed in studied did the practice test work out nicely only had to look at my notes twice.

Then I made some oatmeal and watched TV, went over my bio book, then looked at what I had to do for FI, got real board and started on my cultural even then I bought slum dog on Amazon and then I watched some more TV, and fell asleep.

I got out at like 7 because I wasn’t tired, and the I go to write this blog and read my friend Donnie’s but he hadn’t had anything up, then I saw that he wasn’t a follower anymore, so I go to his page and I see that he has blocked me.

So I goes to Facebook, and I’m blocked on there. Just a little inside on my life, I get blocked a lot I understand. I watch a video from some festival my cousin was in and commented, and I change my status because ill be phoneless for a min. Then I went to Shafer to get my serving of diarrhea for the day lls.

It's alot but it has to be said

I’m a sooo tired, I been dragging myself all around this campus. I haven’t really concentrated in any of my classes. All I been thinking about is the summer, and what work fun and relationships are to come.
Any way I watched the new episode of the hills too funny. Spencer got mad respect from me, this man don’t fake when he say something he is about it. But this joint was popping he whooped this boys ass because he snitched on him.
Okay let me let you in on my love life for a sec. This boy no names, he invited me to his apartment, I been faking on him I will say that much. So today after hitting a few jays with some friends I said yes. He came scooped me up and we went to his house. Then from Jump Street this man didn’t have no couch in his home. The first thing you see in the living room is a bed. So I’m like I got to sit on that??? I don’t know what type or how many female he done had on this bed. But I paid it because I was still a little buzzed, I paid most of the things that should have triggered me to leave…. Any way, He starts watching baby mamma on his Comcast…. Good movie I’m trying to cope that joint. Then he ask for a back rube so I do it, my back rude aren’t the best but hay you ask I’m a try my best. Then he wants to give me one… I just knew he was going to be all nasty and he did. Then I get him to leave me alone and his roommate I guess gets home so for some reason we got to go upstairs. Then he wanted to leave when the roommate gets in the shower. I go because I see this as a way to get out the house and go home. We drive around the school and what not then he stopped the car and I say “I have to urinate” that’s real sexy right ll’s, he takes me to my building and we say good night…..
I’m writing this while it’s fresh in my mind and because this is what I have been dealing with lately, I told my older brother I was going to start looking in the direction of getting me a lady friend like a dome…. And if you want to know why it’s because of over sexual man and men with no personality and corny men… I can’t take it I refuse to believe that those are the men for me.

My skin, my life

My skin is clean. My hair is a mess, and I kind of like the way I’m living my life. It’s not so much care free, because I reap the product of what I do. If I want to party on a Thursday and sleep in someone’ else bed I will do it. But what I wont do is allow someone to make me feel like they have feelings for me and leave me in the street alone and afraid. So when you ask what I want to do. Ill have an answer, when you ask if I love you; ill say it depends on which you you’re talking about. My skin is radiant, my heart beats every hour of the day, and when I open my eyes I see the wonderful life I live, and if your in it and were happy that will be because I made it so.

It's time to let yall know about the change

I was in my FI class when I heard this from the mouths of a fellow lady student.
“labels like those on bottles can cause u not to fully see the context of the person” by come guy named chuck Galusy”... Well come back to that later on.

I wrote this poem a few days ago so yeah it’s a rough draft.
I’m torn between two evils
A man who wants my body and soul
A boy who want my body in his bed
And I can’t see the light for the dark
I want the caress
I want to be wanted
But also what the love in return
It’s dumb but sometimes that’s what comes out.

So now back to this quote. I find that I have been doing this exact thing. I think people seem good; they act like the all god knowing and loving person. But later on I have learned that they or maybe I am not what is expected.
It’s the label that I have been reading that has been misleading me.

Basically what I am trying to say is that I have been misleading I have made this new persona Roxy isn’t a joke it’s the new me, and I don’t think that I have been letting the public in on the Roxy Boo. So stop reading bitches you know you don’t know how lol.

I went to the movies.

Today I didn’t want to get up, my sheets need to be washed, my laundry basket is over flowing and I don’t feel like taking the money out of the bank to wash them… also
I want to be a Kappa; do you think they would let a girl join a male fraternity? Just a side note
I can’t wait till I have someone I know cross over….hint hint
I remember I had a math teacher that would stay saying hint hint lol that guy was so funny
Any way about my day. It’s not good. We have a group project but it seems like all my group wants to do is sit around and fuss about not having time to get together and talk… they don’t have any idea and when ever I ask a question it’s a I don’t know or it’s a what ever answer. I’m a kick one day.
Then we got out of class early and now I’m sitting hear waiting on my next class to start. Oh and I have a late lab today and all I wan to do is sleep
Side note my brother wants to pledge…yeah!!!!!!
Oh I’m back in my room and I found out from a friend how to put music on the blog and then I went to see bed time story and Benjamin buttons in the commons with some friends. There was a line in the movie Benjamin Buttons the mother said,, “my sister had a child, and he got the worst of it” the doctor says what, and she said “He came out white” I love that line.
Now I’m in my room and I found this link from Facebook about Tabey’s and his new song rich kids and then Janelle Monea’s some Smile was on the side so I followed the link. You should do the same she’s awesome. http://vimeo.com/3869218

lovers and friends

“I didn’t know two homoes could make a baby” that boy tony is tooo funny.
I have nothing really to say. There is a probate at my school. I’m in love with me and so many of my friends. Sooner or later ill be out of school and I need a place to stay. That’s really coming down on me the worst. But other then that I’m cool. In love with love, sleeping only when needed, and pushing myself to the limit, party hardy study nightly.

SHort blog for a short day

“I’m not trying to get pregnant”… Toni says “yeah me either” this man so to funny.
SO I’m still looking for my place to stay next year… trying to pass school and be friends with everyone.

Come out to our show Group Moda on April 25th you’ll leave pleased.
It’s almost been a year since I have graduated just wanted to note that….
And that’s today’s blog.

you make me sick

Side note (Okay so the guy that was playing on my phone is a friend that didn’t know how to ask for my number so don’t play on his phone lol.)

It’s so much you know, this whole dating thing specially when your in college and the boys have so much freedom and no willpower. I want to have a male friend that I can believe, that I don’t have to ask my self twice about. But I don’t think its going to happen.

But in there defense lets be real with ourselves women do you not think that they have been through something? Do you not think that one day they will retaliate and hurt someone just as you have hurt them… And for those self righteous girls who be like I’m not going to have sex with no one, I’m to good to even hint that I’m a sexual person. Yall make me want to throw up. Sex is wonderful its life changing and I don’t mind telling you who I have had sex with at my school. Because I thought about it and I felt like it was what I wanted. But that won’t change who I am and what I can do in life. Just like if I went gay which I might…. That would not make me a different person it would just change my sex life which should be none of your business.

So pray for me, cus if life keeps going this way I might get sick every time I go out and communicate with females and males alike

I don't like the way we are. Don

I’m not fine…I cry myself to sleep most nights and if you asked me I wouldn’t tell you. I don’t like this distance I don’t like the feeling I have in my stomach. I’m growing away from them… my friends and I try and make up but there’s a few that I feel I have lost forever… I have never been the type to try and reconcile things so don’t ask for to much. Ill say sorry and tell you ware I was coming from but I don’t do well with that whole period of being treated like a step friend. So ill be hear when that’s over and your ready to shit on the grass and look at the tress look at the sky as the sky looks at us. Ight that was a bit much.
Oh and playing on peoples phone is so old so if you have time call this man and let him know (540 819 5674)… ill be chilling though.

I'm going home

I didn’t want to right this blog till it was time for me to go back to school. But I have noticed that once I left that day in august my life in DC left with me… Yes I come back to visit but when you leave a place and lose you bed and dresser it’s a feeling you get that lets you know that you’re not expected to return… And coming home for all my first breaks in college is normal for my family; my older brother did it, m youngest uncle and now me. But what followed that first break is why I am writing. During the summer my brother worked every hour and if he wasn’t working he was out. Most nights he didn’t even spend the night in the house. And I believe it’s my time. I have to become and adult. But its not that scary… I went to the movies with my sister Ariel yesterday and we say a sniped about the discovery channel and there was a bird that was pushed out of the nest by its mother. But surprisingly the bird did not fly; it did not fall and die. Instead it fell to the floor and picked its self off the ground and began to walk. I don’t know if it was the leaves on the ground of the forest or that that’s what my life is coming close to. I may not be ready like many others my age, but my old fashion parents are. And in this new world ill have to walk this forest floor before I can rise up and fly….

The answers don't matter... it's the question that you need to lisen to.

If I said good bye would you leave right away?

That’s the question I have for most of my friends…their answer could tell me a lot about what I mean to them. It’s no doubt that most of my friends like being around me. They say I’m fun enjoying to be around and I never seem down. And I think that I try my best to compromise with people. So what is this that has been going on lately with these people around me? It’s like I have to beg to be with the people that say they want to be around me. I guess it’s just a rant so don’t mind it to much. I guess I’m just growing into my self… I’m sorry if you don’t like who I am becoming.

Its Happining now

I’m sorry Donnie but this is my blog and I choose to put up what I like.
Any way today was great I got a lot of paper work done….but I feel bad for these people that have to sit and do this everyday… because they have to hear all these sob stories and then go back home and deal with their lives.

Then I had a something to post for Reggie because we went to see the Happening when it first came out and he doesn’t believe me when I said that the people stopped in their tracks and went backward then killed themselves. He doesn’t believe then went backwards so I turned to YouTube… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4u4iGJOEPk ) this one didn’t show them walking backwards but I swear it happened...

I wasn't going to blog today but...

I wasn’t going to blog tonight but I just couldn’t go to sleep with out it. I have nothing else to do its like my only time to talk to people other then my family.. I swear this has to be one of the worst spring breaks a girl could have.

I was up late on Facebook and a friend asked me about a poem I promised him. So I wrote it. I’m not going to say how long it took… because I don’t remember. But he gave me the line “when you peep my swag tell me what you see” so hear is what I wrote

When you tell me
ask away I say
When you peep my swag
tell me what you see
when you sleep at night
tell me what you dream
when you loving in the light
tell me who you see
when you eat outside on the grass
tell me if you washed your hands
when you dance in a badly lit room
tell me is sweat on your ears
when you hear my name
tell me do you smile
when you lick ice cream
tell me do you taste my finger prints
when you stand in the shower
tell me do you wish you could capture a picture
when you get a hair cut
tell me do you think of my kisses on your neck
when you stand outside on a warm day
tell me do you think of our adventures around DC
when you have fallen in love with yourself
tell me can I be part of the threesome
when you listen to music
tell me does it hurt your ears
when you think of your many lady friends
tell me am I on top
when you think of marriage
tell me am I invited to the reception
when you ask me why I ask
tell me do you really want the Answer?


Then I was looking at TMZ and I heard this line I just had to put it up… If yall have ever seen high school musical then you would understand these two are the main characters and they are a couple inside the movie and in real life. The guy Zack is in the airport and the ask “if yall had a baby would it be owned by Disney” lol to funny Zack and the other lady Vanessa they need to just take it as s joke…

ugh this mouth of mine

Is this real life?

Am I going to feel like this forever?

This video is so funny… (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs ) but what made it so funny was that I was shown it after a dentist appointment. Well sorry but that’s all I have for today.. I went to Teddy’s which is a Caribbean food place in silver springs and I got some doubles which is like a snack food from Trinidad. I miss it so much because this was nothing like what I had back then. Any who I was out like a light. That medicine is crazy I can sympathize with David..

Its all what they said it would be.

I didn’t go to sleep last night.. If anyone wanted to know. It was like I wanted to go to sleep cause I had been drinking but I just couldn’t. Any once everyone left the couch which is now my bed I tried to go to sleep. But it didn’t work. So I rolled around for a while then finally gave up and went in my parent’s room and sleep on their bed. Because for some reason their bed was the only one that had sheets on it. I guess they had left to do laundry. What ever the case may be. I didn’t wake up till 12 like always. Got a few friendly calls and got a visit from my uncle P. Then I joined my friends in a going about to Bowie state for Living Ledgens practice. Reggie’s car suffered the most because it started squalling once we got into dc and took the L and was the first person to leave.

But that’s not why I decided to write a blog today. I was on my way to Bowie when I walked up a street that I have never walked up before and I saw some old friends. It was funny because had I not took that wrong turn I would have never seen the truth in what my parents were telling me. These boys were the cream of the crop back in junior high and high school. All the girls came around my neighborhood following after these boys. And they would cat call after me every morning. But this spring break when I stopped to say hi and ask about what they had been up to. There was nothing for them to say except “shit chillin in the hood” or “fucking with this nigga right hear”. My parents had always said that they will always be there hanging on the corner so you can go off and get your education. When you come back there be there for you to hang out with. And it’s so true.

Now I’m not saying that everyone had to go to college and if you don’t you’re a dead beat but. These few that don’t have a job, still living off parents and friends, thinking that they got all that a girl needs because they have a car and long hair. They are the DC dudes that won’t be there for my wedding because they have wasted there better parts of their lives and might be to embarrassed to come to a wedding party alone.

I love that I’m who I have come to be with all my short falls and all. Any way the last thing I promise. I know I talk about Brandon and my best friend Donnie a lot on hear but there are no pictures. There are some of Reggie and Demetrius and Markus but not Brandon and Donnie so look to the side of the blog and there will be some pictures not. Ill label them for you Kay bye…

A little bit of fun

Today was my second day in DC. And it was a little bit better. I decided that I would look for a job online for the summer since its time that I take some reasonability and become my own source of money.

Then I waited and waited for Reggie then I decided to make my own plains. And I meet up with some old friends. Hung out at an old chill spot and drank a little and didn’t smoke even though that was the whole idea of the get together.

Any who what I got out of this day was a conversation that I had with my old friend. You see this old drunk walked pass and said don’t let that one go son. And it made me think. I’m 19… and yes I have a few years left before I start thinking about settling down. But I feel like this is the time in my life when I need to start looking for that guy that complete me and betters my life and not just there to have fun and go out and spend money. I think it’s about time that I start looking for my other half. Not to say that I haven’t found him but I need to be more concentrated on that then on a good time

I’m sleepy now but time will tell when the rat chance will be over but today ill just have a good ol time. And boy was this night fun. A little roof action and feeling the wind around me and nothing to hold me back. That’s what I need in my life now. So ill find you later Mr. Right.

I'm back in DC

So today I had my statistics test that I been studying for like crazy. Well have to wait and see what I got. Then I had to sit through classes with teachers that didn’t want to be there and really just wanted to say why the hell did yall come to class get the hell out. IT’S SPRING BREAK. >>>

As soon as it was 5 o’clock I left my last class and went on my way to get my bags together. Brandon tried to come and visit for a little bit. Between me and you cause I don’t think he reads this I didn’t really want him to come because of what happen yesterday with me going to VSU and not seeing him. I was still a little mad. SO when my parents called and told me they were down the street. I called and let him know and I felt bad like his voice sounded like some one stepped on his big toe right after that they wouldn’t let him hold his foot. I got my chipotle though…I have been trying to get some since winter break.

Then we went on our way back to the chocolate city. And I slept the whole way. Now I asked if they wanted me to drive and they said NO so I went to sleep. Mouth open head back and snoring; It was so comfy. Then as soon as I got close I went on search for something to do. And there was nothing not one good get together not one little Mc Donald’s sit down everyone was busy. What a bummer. So I’m hear downloading music and watching some black history channel special and talking to a good friend about his spring break plans that shit on mine.

We get lose

Girl I drank that I got thirsty… in relations to a bottle of vodka in this mans dresser draw. (Reggie is a drunk nuf said)

I went to VSU and I felt like I was being raped with every one of these people’s eyes. I was so scared I didn’t even asked ware the bathroom was even though I had to pee like a Russian race horse in a Kentucky derby with a glue truck behind him. Then I didn’t even a see Brandon because this man has a class from 5 50 till 712. Crazy and I paid 20 dollars to see this man and I didn’t even see his car.

Any who after that I went in and studied a little for my statistic exam and then Reggie called and influenced me to come to the karaoke night. We got drunk and sang songs and made burgers and it was great. I love my friends.

just something that was on my mind

Today I had classes off and on. I’ll start with my Intercultural class. How about the teacher said that no one in the class received higher then an 84 in all 3 of her classes on her mid term. And I got a 44. I was so made because I studied so hard for that test I could tell you almost every thought that the writer had. Well see what she decides to do. Then my 12 o’clock was cancelled so I went to eat at Shafer our dinning hall at VCU and then went on to my room. Classes went on this was till 4 o’clock then I went to my room and wasted a couple of hours with Facebook. Until I went to my group moda practice. My show is coming up In April once it gets closer ill put up more information Any who they a friends showed me this girl named Devanna she is soo fierce she was on Tyra and is in a house which is like a modeling troop, hears a link to you tube if you want to watch. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzl1e2C1ziQ ).









Another topic I wanted to talk about was this whole little craze on Facebook with this picture of a whole bounce of friends that people tag so that you can see what your friend’s think of you…yeah it’s crazy because none of my friends have made one yet its kinda annoying.