I hate new things

I hate new things
Why is it when I start having fun shit just magically fucks up?
It’s like the world is out for me. What have I ever done to deserve the treatment that I am receiving... since when is it okay to forget about the past, when is it okay to let people walk out of your life like running water.

I crave the first day we meat the uneasy silence we shared when trying to figure out the best way to start a conversation.

"I want yesterday because tomorrow ant going to give me what I need" (Liana Castro). I want the first day I walked into Duke Ellington and everything was in such an array it just felt right.

I want the day I came home and heard that my mom was getting married. I want those days. Those days when my innocents was not fading away into the red sea of sin.

I want the day when we stayed on the telephone until someone’s mother said "its 4 in the morning what in the world could yall be talking about”.

I want to know that if I stay out to late my dad will always be there to come and scope me up with out even a word of questioning. Have I become a boy crazed, hamburger eating fool? I have lost some of the best friends because I didn't not care. Leaped into new world I have never been educated about.

In my months away from home not once did I pick up a pen to write, not once have I found a way to say the sun looks like M&M's exploding. Not once did I recognize the rescores I had at hand. I love the world for what it has made I do.

But I want to go back to the little girl with nappy hair that would some how give way to her mother’s gentle strokes. I want to go back to eating fruit loops in my father’s house. Go back to New York, so I can sit in my father’s car and eat ice cream and play tricks on my step mom. I want to relive those time.

I want the hour I fell in love,

the moment I spread into adulthood.

My innocent’s cup is half empty; some may chose to see it as half full but to me.

I have lost a gallon and I don’t know the reason. I want the night before my brother’s graduation, I want the night I realized we were a family; I want the impossible to spring to existence. I want this pain to end.

Make it end lord because I don’t know who else to go to.

little bit of a fall back in sorry

Now that my freshman year of college is over and all the classes are over, I feel like I am better now then when I started out. I started wanting to make friends, wanting to be like and trying to get to know people. But even though I have done all this I still have the same select friends from high school I still don’t know ware all the parties are and on a night like tonight when most people are hanging out with friends drinking watching a movie and playing video games I’m in my room working on home work and studying for finals. I was this person in high school because I was forced to be but now that I have had that chance to try and be the social butterfly I have decide I was one before but not the one who leaves the house at 1 o’clock in the morning and never come home till 12 the next day. I like falling asleep in my own bed and waking up to familiar people in my bed (me and my teddy bear). So I’m ending the year off different then I came in but I’m the same in the way that matter the most.

why its a small world

Im sorry I been slaking of a bit. I did a show at Virginia Union it was cool, and yes I say the guy from the other blogs but I didn’t speak because he didn’t speak, but I know he saw me. I don’t know what it is but I feel like when boys join a frat they get to feeling them selves, its not like I knew him before, but it just don’t seem right for someone to be so cocky, he was like I ain’t going to add you on Facebook because I got such a long line of friend request and if I don’t add them they will get mad. I was like bump it. So that’s ware I am with that guy.

Then one of my cousins friends who was also at the party last weekend stole my number from him (my cousin) and texted me. Come to find out this man I married and he trying to push up on me ( I knew something wasn’t right).

Lastly I’m going to the dance at my school now. I really don’t want to because I have dreads now and I don’t know how to dress them up. But I have to go because my tutor is like really sweet and he begged me to go so ill do it… Ill probably have pics in the later blogs.

Oh and I was at my friends room in cab nasty and there was this girl named Ashley and she was talking about her bf that lived in C&B I’m thinking oh I had a friend that I use to talk to… okay I’m lying I didn’t think about it at all. But when I saw the pic I saw that it was my ex play thing, it was sad because I wanted to be friend with her, she wanted to be friend with me but I think It would be hard knowing that I had relations whit your bf round the same time yall was getting to know each other. So I just let it go, didn’t even look twice.

I had this weekend

This weekend was the craziest I had to deal with the most craziness. It started off with me not having a cell phone. Then it went on to me having an exam in stat let’s hope I do good. Then I got a supersize visit from one of my friends from dc. He hung out with me for a while and we went to the probate ware one of my friends crossed as an AKA. This was like the longest joint I have ever seen because they had the AKA’s and the Alpha cross in one whole setting. Its was to long, after that I split ways with my friend from dc and joined up with some high school friends and a new friend from school to go to this after party at the bowling ally. I never realized how much fun a bowling party could be. And that night I had my first experience with trying to get a number and not having a phone. Needles to say the first try went sour. The second attempt was on point, he was tall with long profound dreads, and it just looked like this brother had his head on real good. So I got the number but had no way to call so I ended my Friday night with a shower and some hot coco.

Then Saturday still no phone I woke up and meet back up with my friend from DC and we went to Shafer to share a little insite on how our lives had been. My friend AD came over and watched as my friend from DC made me this little miniature replication of a much larger piece of work I wanted but could not afford. Then we eat some pizza and separated ways. I then meet up with my cousin who wanted to hang out with me because we hadn’t had anytime to chill. So having no phone I had to bring AD along with me to the parties, I don’t know if she wanted to go but I was glade she came. We first went to this place called the crossroads but they hadn’t started yet so we just went to this other party at university of Richmond (nice school I have to say) and the party was boring but guess who was there. The guy who I got number the other night. Well when he says me he came over and we hung out for most of the party. Then later on that night he came over we watched a movie and then I went to his placed we had smoked a bit and then he took me back to my room. It was great. But unfortionaly I still have no phone, he is behind in school do to crossing over alpha at Union and I don’t think well be seeing much of each other.

Then Sunday I got the phone I had been waiting on but it didn’t do any of the things my mom had promise and on top of that it turned of every five mins if it was not connected to the wall. SO its turned off and ill be waiting on the new phone to come….. And that is Roxy’s weekend now Ashley will take over and do the homework and go to sleep at a reasonable time to get up and take a quiz for INTL 101…

My life is me, and i am clean

My Day

Is the moon cool,

like frozen cheese.

It must have some heat.

Because the lamp lights I touch

they burn me everywhere.

Like a love that I start,

and forget to end.

When love knocks,

I have already answered,

When the sky bleeds.

I’ll already be dead.

This is a poem I wrote a long time ago. I just thought that those still following would like to see ware I have come from. I am still a writer I won’t let people hurt me and allow my talent to drift away. I may not be the girl that you want to be your wife, but god dame it if you wont remember my spunk, my laugh, my essence, and lastly my poetry so you can lose me in the translation as much as you will but for every boy that has left me, remember you did just that leave me while I became stronger and better for the next.

personal time

Today was a personal day. My tutor like a dummy didn’t text me and be like ware you at when he say that I was late, Dummy. So I woke up at 11 and studied for my stat 210 exam on Friday, let’s hope that I get a 80 this time. I be so close fucking 76 and 78 but never a 80. I really want a 100, but I probably wont because I just found out she takes off points if you’re wrong, so I’m not even going to try on the ones I don’t know. So I stayed in studied did the practice test work out nicely only had to look at my notes twice.

Then I made some oatmeal and watched TV, went over my bio book, then looked at what I had to do for FI, got real board and started on my cultural even then I bought slum dog on Amazon and then I watched some more TV, and fell asleep.

I got out at like 7 because I wasn’t tired, and the I go to write this blog and read my friend Donnie’s but he hadn’t had anything up, then I saw that he wasn’t a follower anymore, so I go to his page and I see that he has blocked me.

So I goes to Facebook, and I’m blocked on there. Just a little inside on my life, I get blocked a lot I understand. I watch a video from some festival my cousin was in and commented, and I change my status because ill be phoneless for a min. Then I went to Shafer to get my serving of diarrhea for the day lls.

It's alot but it has to be said

I’m a sooo tired, I been dragging myself all around this campus. I haven’t really concentrated in any of my classes. All I been thinking about is the summer, and what work fun and relationships are to come.
Any way I watched the new episode of the hills too funny. Spencer got mad respect from me, this man don’t fake when he say something he is about it. But this joint was popping he whooped this boys ass because he snitched on him.
Okay let me let you in on my love life for a sec. This boy no names, he invited me to his apartment, I been faking on him I will say that much. So today after hitting a few jays with some friends I said yes. He came scooped me up and we went to his house. Then from Jump Street this man didn’t have no couch in his home. The first thing you see in the living room is a bed. So I’m like I got to sit on that??? I don’t know what type or how many female he done had on this bed. But I paid it because I was still a little buzzed, I paid most of the things that should have triggered me to leave…. Any way, He starts watching baby mamma on his Comcast…. Good movie I’m trying to cope that joint. Then he ask for a back rube so I do it, my back rude aren’t the best but hay you ask I’m a try my best. Then he wants to give me one… I just knew he was going to be all nasty and he did. Then I get him to leave me alone and his roommate I guess gets home so for some reason we got to go upstairs. Then he wanted to leave when the roommate gets in the shower. I go because I see this as a way to get out the house and go home. We drive around the school and what not then he stopped the car and I say “I have to urinate” that’s real sexy right ll’s, he takes me to my building and we say good night…..
I’m writing this while it’s fresh in my mind and because this is what I have been dealing with lately, I told my older brother I was going to start looking in the direction of getting me a lady friend like a dome…. And if you want to know why it’s because of over sexual man and men with no personality and corny men… I can’t take it I refuse to believe that those are the men for me.

My skin, my life

My skin is clean. My hair is a mess, and I kind of like the way I’m living my life. It’s not so much care free, because I reap the product of what I do. If I want to party on a Thursday and sleep in someone’ else bed I will do it. But what I wont do is allow someone to make me feel like they have feelings for me and leave me in the street alone and afraid. So when you ask what I want to do. Ill have an answer, when you ask if I love you; ill say it depends on which you you’re talking about. My skin is radiant, my heart beats every hour of the day, and when I open my eyes I see the wonderful life I live, and if your in it and were happy that will be because I made it so.