I hate new things

I hate new things
Why is it when I start having fun shit just magically fucks up?
It’s like the world is out for me. What have I ever done to deserve the treatment that I am receiving... since when is it okay to forget about the past, when is it okay to let people walk out of your life like running water.

I crave the first day we meat the uneasy silence we shared when trying to figure out the best way to start a conversation.

"I want yesterday because tomorrow ant going to give me what I need" (Liana Castro). I want the first day I walked into Duke Ellington and everything was in such an array it just felt right.

I want the day I came home and heard that my mom was getting married. I want those days. Those days when my innocents was not fading away into the red sea of sin.

I want the day when we stayed on the telephone until someone’s mother said "its 4 in the morning what in the world could yall be talking about”.

I want to know that if I stay out to late my dad will always be there to come and scope me up with out even a word of questioning. Have I become a boy crazed, hamburger eating fool? I have lost some of the best friends because I didn't not care. Leaped into new world I have never been educated about.

In my months away from home not once did I pick up a pen to write, not once have I found a way to say the sun looks like M&M's exploding. Not once did I recognize the rescores I had at hand. I love the world for what it has made I do.

But I want to go back to the little girl with nappy hair that would some how give way to her mother’s gentle strokes. I want to go back to eating fruit loops in my father’s house. Go back to New York, so I can sit in my father’s car and eat ice cream and play tricks on my step mom. I want to relive those time.

I want the hour I fell in love,

the moment I spread into adulthood.

My innocent’s cup is half empty; some may chose to see it as half full but to me.

I have lost a gallon and I don’t know the reason. I want the night before my brother’s graduation, I want the night I realized we were a family; I want the impossible to spring to existence. I want this pain to end.

Make it end lord because I don’t know who else to go to.